Blah at communication
First off, I'm another new person posting here. Am a 19 year old female college student with a double major in math and computer science. I don't know what else to say about myself, describing self is hard like that. The difficult summer I've been having had made Matt offer/suggest/poke me into blogging here some as well. When I blog here in the future it'll likely be less of a ramble, but right now I'm just exhausted and am just feeling blah.
This week has been hard - my grandmother died on Tuesday, so am only mostly sane currently. However I was up to doing the inventory that was scheduled for Sunday. I just found out that they didn't need me and couldn't have me working.
This would be reasonable, but I had not gone in to friends' apartments today to get to the MIT flea tomorrow morning, because of working tomorrow. So I'm now not somewhere which I can easily make it to the flea from and have no reason to be where I am.
But what really is annoying is how much I put into being reasonable at communication. It is hard for me to call people on the phone, tell people things that are serious, and make small talk. I put a lot of effort into this not being noticable not to fit in, but because I don't want to hurt people by leaving them out. I use this not wanting to hurt them to successfully do things which would otherwise be hard. It's awkward, but I can manage being social surprisingly well to me compared to how hard it can feel to talk to people.
In contrast it feels like people who don't need to put this effort in to do basic socializing aren't nearly as aware of how much it can affect people to not talk to them. I need to know because if I didn't I could go too far off the not being aware of these. They don't need to, so just don't realize. And it just bothers me with how much effort I need to put into these things that normal people don't do anything. Do they not know or not care? I know they its that they don't think about it, that the people who I'm dealing with do actually care if they realize that it could make someone just want to hide and not do anything because its just the last thing they can handle at the end of a hard week. But even with it being like that, why aren't they aware if me who likely has a syndrome which involves generally not being completely socially function, is? Was it that hard to not just tell me earlier this week when I had time to alter my plans? Possibly, but more likely it wasn't worth the effort because of not realizing that my schedule could majorly shift with that information.
If you're the one who triggered this and you found this somehow, don't worry, I'm not actually annoyed at you, and am not actually in a horrible mood. At first I was, but it was the whole "I've just had a horrible week and just want to go to the flea, because we keep missing them for no good reason, and now there's no good reason this month either." Well I am not really in a good mood either, but that's expected when your grandmother suddenly died in the week previous.
This week has been hard - my grandmother died on Tuesday, so am only mostly sane currently. However I was up to doing the inventory that was scheduled for Sunday. I just found out that they didn't need me and couldn't have me working.
This would be reasonable, but I had not gone in to friends' apartments today to get to the MIT flea tomorrow morning, because of working tomorrow. So I'm now not somewhere which I can easily make it to the flea from and have no reason to be where I am.
But what really is annoying is how much I put into being reasonable at communication. It is hard for me to call people on the phone, tell people things that are serious, and make small talk. I put a lot of effort into this not being noticable not to fit in, but because I don't want to hurt people by leaving them out. I use this not wanting to hurt them to successfully do things which would otherwise be hard. It's awkward, but I can manage being social surprisingly well to me compared to how hard it can feel to talk to people.
In contrast it feels like people who don't need to put this effort in to do basic socializing aren't nearly as aware of how much it can affect people to not talk to them. I need to know because if I didn't I could go too far off the not being aware of these. They don't need to, so just don't realize. And it just bothers me with how much effort I need to put into these things that normal people don't do anything. Do they not know or not care? I know they its that they don't think about it, that the people who I'm dealing with do actually care if they realize that it could make someone just want to hide and not do anything because its just the last thing they can handle at the end of a hard week. But even with it being like that, why aren't they aware if me who likely has a syndrome which involves generally not being completely socially function, is? Was it that hard to not just tell me earlier this week when I had time to alter my plans? Possibly, but more likely it wasn't worth the effort because of not realizing that my schedule could majorly shift with that information.
If you're the one who triggered this and you found this somehow, don't worry, I'm not actually annoyed at you, and am not actually in a horrible mood. At first I was, but it was the whole "I've just had a horrible week and just want to go to the flea, because we keep missing them for no good reason, and now there's no good reason this month either." Well I am not really in a good mood either, but that's expected when your grandmother suddenly died in the week previous.
posted by tuttleturtle42 at
7/20/2008 12:12:00 AM
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